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Sunday, April 13, 2014

judgy mcjudgerson, party of one

So, I found some Klokov video--don't worry, I'm not gonna force yous guys to watch it--which is basically Mr and Mrs Klokov Go to the Gym.  (One of Klokov's many charms is that he puts up a lot of youtube.) I shared this with some friends who are not sick of Klokov videos and, in doing so, I made a quip that Mrs Klokov should probably invest in some hair ties.  'Cause, you know, she has long hair and she's in the gym lifting with it down around her shoulders.  And it occurred to me that as non-judgmental as I strive to be, this is something I will judge all the damn time. If you have long hair and you are doing what you purport is a workout with your hair loose, I will roll my eyes (at least inwardly) and think you are Not Serious.  Which is ridiculous because I know that there are many other things people feel make you Not Serious that I myself do (wear makeup to the gym, wear tight and/or expensive clothing in the gym) and I am as serious as poison ivy on your genitals.

(Not that Poison Ivy. I'm pretty sure a good portion of the population would enjoy her on their genitals.)

Anyway. I started thinking about all the things that I do in fact judge people for in the gym, if only for a brief fleeting moment.  I would have previously said that I don't judge women who work out in a sports bra without a shirt over it, just that it doesn't happen in my gym, but recently it has started happening at my Y, and I think I'm judging it not for the act itself, but because this girl is flouting the implied social norms of our gym, i.e. that everyone keeps their shirt on, and therefore that it must be for attention.  I also find myself judging her because I only ever see her in the weight area with either a bro I assume is her boyfriend or a gaggle of other girls. And, yeah, I think you're Not Serious if you only ever train with your SO or a group of friends. Which, again, is ridiculous because really, am I gonna disrespect Dana Linn Bailey when a good portion of her youtube is her working out with Rob?  Yeah, yeah, I know most of you are as aware of who DLB is as you are Klokov, but she's a big deal. Here's a visual.

A visual in which DLB's doing something else I judge people for, wearing gloves to lift.  Though, on second viewing, maybe those aren't gloves, maybe they're Versagrips or similar. Which I won't judge you for.  Oh, I'm such a douche.

ANYWAY, this girl who is lifting at my Y with her shirt off and never alone is very young, maybe 19-20 at most, and it occurs to me I should cut her a huge break because when I was 19 years old no way would I go to the gym by myself and also when I was 19 years old I was prone to doing things for attention because of my insecurities.  Insecure 19 year old girls do lots of things that their future 51 year old selves tsk-tsk at when their future 51 year old selves should be having empathy instead.  So my new resolution is to stop judging No Shirt Girl and to believe that she is serious and that she's gonna keep coming to lift and that eventually she'll be able to do it by herself without a support group.

Also gonna try to stop judging people like Mrs Klokov who don't believe in hair ties. Maybe their hair is just less of an annoyance to them than mine is to me.

Ain't ever gonna stop judging people who use the pussy pad, though, or 200lb guys who put 25lbs on the calf raise. Please.



  1. I am way too half-assed with my own gym routines to get judgey about form, intensity etc, but I do get very pissy and judgey when people monopolize equipment I want to use for ever and ever and ever. I stare, glare, pace, sigh, and might even eventually ask if I can work in but not usually, because passive-aggressive is more my thing.

    And whoa, for a bod like DLB's I'd consider growing my hair and letting it fly loose! Though I suspect I'd probably have to lift some heavy shit as well. :(

  2. believe me I'm very judgemental but in all honesty I tend not to judge people as much in the gym as I do out of it. (For which I'm very proud of Self.) I think because the gym is per se a place where you are putting yourself out there and so to my warped way of thinking it doesn't seem quite fair to judge.

    Totally with you on the pussy pad though. And feet on bench benchers, tip-toe squatters and those pricks who do 25 jumping jacks in between deadlifts with atrocious form.

    apart from that I do not judge at all.

    As a rule.

  3. You guise have restored my faith in humanity. Or something. ;-) Thanks for cracking me up.

  4. I'm pretty sure my gym has a rule about not working out in sport bras, crop tops, and those douchey-looking tanks some guys wear that have enormous armholes that reveal most of the back. A lot of gyms do, and I believe it has more to do with hygiene that with modesty. I try to keep bare-skin contact with gym benches to a minimum, but I guess when you're 19 and immortal you don't think about what you could pick up there.

    Hair ties - yes, lack of them does imply Not Serious, but possibly Mrs. Klokov prefers to leave her hair down for the videos so that her husband won't look prettier than she does. Me, I have longish hair and I find that sometimes even a ponytail isn't out-of-the-way enough.

    I'm getting tired of being judged for being judgmental. I'd like to reserve for myself the option of holding opinions about things that may be at odds with others' opinions.

    1. If that is true, poor Mrs Klokov is fighting a losing battle.

      OTOH, "poor" Mrs Klokov sleeps next to Mr Klokov every night, so let's not waste too much pity on her. Ahem.

  5. I wear gloves when I lift because my hands are so wimpy and they get all chewed up by the bar. It sucks. :(

    I usually reserve all my gym-related judgment for the guys who trade good form for the appearance of Big Gainz. Like, I do not give a fuck if you can lat pull 200 pounds if you are jerking your entire body back to do it. I will just think you look stupid, and also I will worry about your poor vertebrae and what you are doing to them in an attempt to pump up your sad little ego.

    P.S. Sorry for the comments on all the old posts. I am trying to catch up on my RSS reader after neglecting it for a month and basically seeing it explode into unmanageability (omg).

    1. Ah, the "use every muscle in my body + momentum to lift the weight" guys inspire too many lulz to trigger my judgment. Kinda like the teenage bros for whom benching is a team spot. They amuse me so much I can't even be arsed to eyeroll at them.