exercise for old people

An online weightlifting buddy of mine confessed over the weekend that she was in a little funk over her impending 55th birthday. No amount of reassurance that she was fitter and shmexier than most people half her age would relieve the funk, because that wasn't actually the problem. She knows that she's in better shape than many 25 year olds. No, it's more what society attaches to her forthcoming age that was wearing her down. A person can only receive so many AARP solicitations or opportunities for the "senior discount" before she is forced to go, "Holy shit. The world thinks I'm OLD."

I was commiserating with her because I've had a few WTF moments concerning my upcoming 50th birthday or my age in general. You know, like when you realize that, statistically, you are probably closer to death than you are high school?  It's a little disconcerting, especially when in your own head you're still the same hoodie-wearing, semi-hip young thang you always were. Another example I shared was that my Y has started a new program this session which I believe is officially called Fitness Over 50, but which on close examination really should be called Exercise for the Decrepit. If, y'know, anyone cared about truth-in-advertising laws. God.  That one killed me.  Do 50 year olds really need to be grouped in with the senior citizens, fitness-wise?  Maybe the ones who've never exercised a day in their lives, are terribly overweight and/or have serious pre-existing health conditions, but wouldn't you also say that about a 30 year old who's never exercised and is very obese and/or has a serious medical condition?  Call it Fitness for the Unfit or something and leave my next birthday out of it, yo. (Not to mention, there are some actual elderly people at my Y who are super-fit. They aren't the target market for this class either.)

(Just look at this guy whose picture I snagged off the internet. Doesn't he look Perky and like He Even Lifts? Get that actor a Cialis commercial, stat.)

And then this morning, on the heels of that, another online buddy who I'm fairly sure wasn't privvy to the weekend's conversation, mentioned in passing that in the group exercise class that she teaches for people over 50 (sigh--and she's in Europe; apparently 50 =decrepit there too) she was having her students do front/Zercher squats which they complained about. And that she gave them the option of using weights anywhere from 12 to 45 lbs. 

It made me realize--two years ago I was an average almost-48 year old woman, healthy and reasonably fit for a middle-aged chick, but not anyone who was a life-long athlete, super jock, or in any way remarkable.  My exercise consisted of walking a lot and doing yoga on and off.  Then I started lifting.  This morning I back-squatted 170 for reps.  And that's not my absolute max.  My point being, if an average middle-aged, almost-50 year old woman with no great athletic gifts can squat 1.5x her bodyweight after a couple years of training, just through, y'know, showing up at the gym several times a week and doing work, how much are we short-changing 50-ish people and above by convincing them they need special classes, etc?  By making them think it's too late, they'll never lift heavy or run fast or swim far or whatever?  Yeah, maybe they (we) *won't* reach the level that someone starting out on an exercise program when they're 20 will. Maybe they won't be as strong or fast or full of endurance. Maybe it will take them longer to reach their goals. But that doesn't mean they need to stick to aqua aerobics with the 2lb dumbbells either.

Um, no disrespect to those aqua aerobics ladies. Cause they're tough. They'll cut a bitch if you interfere with their sauna time.

xoxo

too much time in gym + camera = this

Count yourselves lucky. If there were more than one or two days a week I could actually take video in my gym without getting scolded and made to stop, you'd all have to put up with more of this nonsense.  Nevertheless, I blocked out a big part of the afternoon yesterday for my workout so that I could mess around and attempt to capture some stuff I wanted to look at and/or amuse my friends with.

The first thing I wanted to video was myself doing overhead squats with a medicine ball, because the first time I attempted these, I did them directly in front of a mirror and it was rather shocking to me how crooked my hips looked. I mean, I already knew my pelvis is higher and tilted higher on the left, but I didn't realize how much it affected my squat mechanics.  Then, when I went to what we're calling the "fancy pants Y" on Labor Day (my own ghetto Y being closed) and I used a power rack that actually had a mirror right in it, I saw that, yes, my hips are messed up like that when I barbell squat too, if seen from the front. Am I imagining how bad that imbalance looks because I know it's there? I asked myself.  The only answer is to film that mutha.

First attempt.  I thought videoing myself in the mirror where I first saw the problem myself was a good idea.

Unfortunately, I didn't realize that the camera angle meant you couldn't actually see my hips when I squatted even though *I* could see them in the mirror.  Sigh.  Okay, okay, I'll drop the artsy shit, put my camera on a window ledge, and film head-on.

So, am I crazy--oh shut up--or do you see how one side of my butt ends up lower than the other because of my crookedness?  Should I be concerned about this?  It doesn't bother me when I'm squatting.

Then I decided to prove to the world that I can in fact get both a 25lb and a 5lb plate onto my own back without help to do a weighted plank, a fact I only discovered yesterday.  Once you see the lulzy technique involved, you might want to stop watching because 70 seconds of me planking is not exciting.  OTOH, perhaps you're starved for entertainment.  Do as you wish, reader, do as you wish.

Finally, something a bit more serious.  The newest, um, trend? amongst my imaginary (i.e. online) friends is doing box squats and everyone's been posting theirs up.  I took a little video at the end of the day yesterday, messing around with them.  This is 115x8, onto a step which is, I know, above parallel.  If I take out a riser as I did on some of my earlier sets, it's a touch too low for me to do a full sit onto for many reps with any significant weight.  Will probably continue using both heights to practice. Anyway, how's the form look on these? I was interested in how they were gonna look because they feel weird and like I can't get my feet where they'd be in a regular squat, but meh.  

Oh, and for the fashion-minded, those are the Lulus mentioned in the previous post. I lurve them.  

xoxo

let's play dress up!

As some of you already know, I recently bought my second pair of Lululemons. (Note to the uninitiated: Lululemons are extremely expensive yoga pants/clothes which tend to make one look ah-maz-ing.) I justified this to myself by saying, eh, it's been a year since I bought my first pair and one pair a year is a reasonable splurge. These are the ones I bought, though not in this color:

  Of course, after I already did that, some of my weightlifting friends started discussing and/or buying these:

I was, and still am, filled with pant envy, since I have a whole nother year before I can get more Lulus. Ahem.  I have taken solace in the fact that they have a 34 inch inseam and thus would be way too freaking long on my stubby little legs anyway.  Until, in the writing of this post, I discovered they make that same style in crops. Super pant envy now.

Meanwhile, I buy the GapFit pants, for which I always have a coupon and which, internet rumor has it, are made in the same factory as the Lulus (by, as I like to point out, the same little slave children, I'm sure). I recently got a new pair of these, but in a heathered gray color:

And also sort of a dark slate blue pair of bike shorts, which the internet is stubbornly refusing to provide a picture of. (Then I wore those new shorts to hot yoga and sweated so much in them, they still stink after washing them. So I guess they're permanently hot yoga shorts now. Sigh. Bright side: I'd be pissed if I permanently stunk up a pair of Lulus!)

Meanwhile, I get a new Athleta catalog in the mail approximately every ten days and even more frequent emails from them.  Today's email featured this:

Hard to see in that picture, but it's a little hiking skirt attached to leggings.  WANT.   Y'know, despite the fact that most of my hiking adventures occur in the Middlesex Fells where I'm basically trekking through people's backyards in earshot of the interstate and thus do not really technically need designated hiking clothes. 

Athleta also likes to tempt me with adorable yoga/workout tops like these:

Yes, they do so tempt me even though experience tells me that all I EVER end up wearing to the gym or yoga are cheap cotton tank tops from Tarzhay.

And then of course, the studio where I go to yoga is having an end of the summer clothing sale, where they sell, among other things, these Spiritual Gangster hoodies:

I kinda want one of those too, even though they're probably insufferably hipster.  "Hi, I'm Andrea and hoodies are my drug of choice!"

The saddest part of this whole thing is that, with my upcoming surgery, I'm not going to be able to do anything fitness-related for 4 to 6 weeks. The last thing I need to be buying right now is new gym clothes. Though I suppose I can wear them on my couch while I watch Game of Thrones, Justified, and my muscles atrophying!

Have you bought any cool exercise clothes lately? Are you drooling over anything you can't afford or don't need?  Let's commiserate together!

xoxo

domo arigato, the sequel

As promised--or is that threatened?--here's me attempting my good mornings.  Theoretically this is 70x8, but if you count the reps, it's actually nine.  Apparently I got distracted.  Or can't count above seven without the use of my fingers.  Or had some kind of pre-senile dementia moment.  I dunno.  If I didn't just tell you, though, I bet none of y'all would have even noticed.  But never let it be said I mislead my beloved blog readers.


Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Please feel free to compare these to the videos I posted the other night and/or the information in your own head and tell me what, if anything, I am doing right or wrong. Or, y'know, critique my hairstyle, comment on my bare feet and the likelihood I'ma get athletes foot in that nasty gym, or, if applicable, yell "OMG, Andrea! You're gonna snap your back up!" at your computer screen.

And, as a bonus, here's me doing some RDLs.  185x5.  I went back and filmed these at just about the end of my workout. Which was probably a bad idea, because I was exhausted by that point and even though I was trying to concentrate on my form, it was breaking down.  However, I figure those of you who like fat asses can perve on mine and the rest of you can ponder the fact I put my shoes back on or, y'know, use the sight of my fat ass as motivation to stay away from the Cheetoes. Your call!

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Also, please register my disgruntlement that I had to go the tinypic route because blogger kept giving me error messages and refusing to directly upload my videos from my computer.  Damn you, blogger, damn you.

xoxo

domo arigato

If you're Of a Certain Age, I've probably just infected you with a heinous earworm for which you are almost certainly cursing me even as you read.  You're welcome.  Full service blog, I keep telling you all.  My ex husband actually like that song, about which I would say "case closed" except you would say, rightfully, "and why would you marry such a person, Andrea?"  I'd have to claim hormones, youth, and bad role models, and then we'd get into a whole philosophical discussion that has NOTHING to do with the subject matter of this post.


Good mornings!  The exercise that is.

It gets its name because it supposed to be reminiscent of this:

Meh. Whatever.  Why not just call it a barbell bow?

I did these for the first time the other day.  I was a little irritated because I felt like I wasn't quite reaching 90 degrees, secondary to tight hamstrings.  Well, here's Erin Stern.

Maybe it's the angle, but I don't think she's reaching 90 degrees either. And she's famous.  And her hamstrings look like that.  I feel less frustrated.  All I'm sayin'.

This guy's reaching 90 degrees.  He also has orange plates. They'd match my water bottle.  Maybe I can convince the Y to bust out the spray paint?  Eh. Probably not.

And this woman, at the beginning, is doing with her head what *I* thought was correct: looking at the floor.  The rest of these people are all looking up.  I'm confused.  The more youtube tutorials you watch, the less ya know. But the concentric thing is interesting too. Hadn't seen that before.

There will, at some point, be video of me trying these out. So, y'know, we can all point and laugh and, uh, fix my form.  (There's also going to be view of me winning my online dip contest.  Bragging rites shall be mine.) Until then--and forgive me if this is old news--here you go.  Proof that barbell's been across my traps an awful lot lately.

Admit it. That's sexeh.

xoxo

i have...

...back thickness...

...skin that's approximately 5 different shades by August...

...drama face!...

...and a six pack if you squint hard enough...

(I SAID, squint harder.)

Also, I have some kind of funky blog problem going on, because apparently comments are not showing up.  Boo!  I have double checked and my settings are correct, so it's probably just blogger fucking with me.  Hopefully it will straighten itself out soon. Because you know I love when y'all chat with me.

Now musical pondering, prompted by songs that have popped up on my iPod at the gym this week.  It occurred to me that I have no idea what either of these songs are supposed to be about.

Who in the sweet Christ are "the boys" and where are they back from?  Prison?  Are they some kind of motorcycle gang that, y'know, summers in Laconia?  I have listened to this song for approximately 35 years without gaining any clarity. I do know one thing.  It does not belong in a commercial where cute children eat chicken with their dad, which is the other place it's been popping up besides my iPod.  Because I'm pretty sure it's about bikers or some shit.  Shut up. that theory's as good as any.

This, I don't even know where to start with.  "I got a backyard with nothing in it, except a stick, a dog, and a box with something in it."  I don't even HAVE a theory.  Please give me yours. Um, if comments start working again.

xoxo

oly lifting at the real olys

How disappointed am I that my very favorite tiny little Polish oly lifter, Marzena Karpinska, is not at the Olympics because she failed a doping test?  Let's watch some video of her from happier days, shall we?

Oh, I love her so much.  Why'd you have to get caught, Marzena?

That's a lot of rhetorical questions. Ahem.

Also out of the Olympics is 19 year old Albanian Hysen Pulaku, who tested positive for a banned substance just this Wednesday.  He should be at least somewhat consoled by the fact that even though his dreams of a shiny medal have been crushed, he's got the coolest name evah.  Here's Mr Pulaku, making an impressive lift just a couple weeks ago.

You know what's interesting to me?  These people don't look like they juice.  There are guys Mr Pulaku's size at my non-impressive ghetto Y.  They just can't do that.  But they don't look much different.

You know what is also interesting?  According to my impeccable sources (i.e. internet message boards), all these world class oly lifters use something banned during their training.  The difference between who gets dinged and who doesn't just depends on having doctors and coaches who are smart enough to know what to give you when so you don't get caught. Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't, but I'm guessing it's more true than false.  Which points out the semi-absurdity of having a list of banned substances as long as my arm.  If everyone's using and everyone knows everyone's using, then the playing field is more or less level and who cares?  It's like steroid-era baseball.  You can argue till you're blue in the face that the records set then don't/shouldn't count or those guys shouldn't end up in the Hall of Fame, but a.) drugs don't make people who aren't premier athletes into premier athletes and b.) see above: no unfair advantage if all your peers are doing the same thing and c.) as far as records go, just training itself has come so far in the past 50 or 75 years, you can't compare athletes' physicality anyway.

Which gives me an excuse to post my most favorite of all old time-y baseball photos, Ted Williams getting a massage from his trainer.  Sorry for the size, but I could only directly embed the thumbnail from the slideshow.  I'm technically incompetent.  But STILL...

Ted, did you even lift??!??!!!  And yet you hit .400.

As far as I'm concerned, some/all of these performance enhancing drugs might as well be the equivalent of a modern-day weight room and the ability to watch endless hours of video of your own games/meets.  Scientific progress marches on and it's silly to forbid its fruits. There were great athletes doing great things without the benefit of them, but using them does not make someone who wouldn't be a great athlete anyway into a superstar/champion.  Feel free to disagree in comments, y'all.

Anyway, if you want to see which tiny little strong-as-fuck female weightlifter did win the 48kg class in Marzena's absence, NBC is showing the final at 12:30 am, so stay up late or set your TIVOs.  I won't spoil you even though I already know.

xoxo